Turbulent Skies
by Saileyn
Summary: Willow reflects on love amidst wishes, tears and music. Songfic of sorts.


**Turbulent Skies**  
© Saileyn 2001

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**Title: ** Turbulent Skies 1/1  
**Author: ** Saileyn  
**Pairing: ** Willow/Spike (who else?)  
**Rating: ** PG-15 (some swearing but not too much, we're talking about Willow here..)  
**Summary:** Willow reflects to the words of Mya, after another heartbreak.  
**Disclaimer:** In simple/Tarzan terms: Joss own Buffy. Mya people own lyrics. I not own either.

**Feedback: ** Do I even have to ask? I do?? Ok, pretty please? Why you ask? It makes my day just that little bit brighter. Makes me write more too... like things called sequels.  
**Notes: ** I'm not a big Mya fan I'll admit, I don't like the music but the lyrics are what I hear. The lyrics are the soul of a song not just the shell... This fic's pretty special, it uses lyrics from every single song on the CD, 'Fear of Flying'

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Willow please...

I slammed down the phone again and buried my face into my pillow. He was calling again. I couldn't believe it was happening, I had been cheated on again. First Oz, then Tara and now, now, I couldn't even say his name without bursting into a fresh set of tears. I'd been crying for well over an hour alone in my room and own misery. I flicked on my CD player and noticed that a Mya CD was in there. Fear of Flying or something I think it's called. Buffy must have left it there. I wasn't a big Mya fan, the music irritated me but the song lyrics didn't bother me that much.

_Turn it up_

_Turn it up_

_Turn it up_

Xander and Anya were probably off somewhere showing each other exactly how much they loved each other. Then there was Buffy, too busy with Riley as always. You'd be thinking they had some competition going, who can do it the most. Oz was long gone, Giles was romancing Olivia, Tara was just using me for my magick and I had very few friends out of the Scooby circle. Now that he was gone I was officially all alone.

_It's after midnight and she's on your phone  
Sayin come over cause she's all alone  
I could tell it was your ex by your tone  
But why is I callin now after so long_

Well that was simple to answer, she realised that he was one in a million and just had to have him back of course. Phoning him in the middle of the night begging for him to come back. I had to admit he didn't give into temptation right away. But it was only a matter of time. She always got what she wanted in the end.

_Everybody knows that yeah I'm kinda shy  
And I'm not the kinda girl  
Who could ever approach a guy..._

I began to think of what it was like when he first asked me out. I'd liked him for ages and he was just so sweet when you got to know him. He knew that I'd never have the nerve to ask him out. He knew I was probably expecting him to laugh in my face. So one night he'd run into me at the Bronze, one of the rare occasions I'd let Buffy convince me to go. He bought me a drink and we'd danced for a while before he offered to walk me home. And he admitted that he'd liked me for a long time and wanted to know if I felt the same way. I smiled as I remembered the look in his eyes. He knew that I liked him, his eyes were filled with his usual cockiness. I was so surprised that he knew and he actually returned my feelings. After that I felt so happy, he'd take me to dinner, share his past.. I'd even got to know the kinder poetic side to him. 

_Girlfriend, innocent woman on the street  
Fell into seduction after wine and  
Street poetry_

That was me, I let myself fall too fast. I should have been more careful, after being hurt so many times before. But for once in my life I was lead by my heart not my head. When I opened my heart there was no going back. I'd laid my heart on the line for him and all he did was step on it as he crossed over it and gone back to that.. bitch.

_Leave me the fuck alone  
Don't make me change my number  
Don't make me change my home_

He'd been calling me for the last week, trying to apologise. Even once he'd tried to blame it on a spell. He'd sent me flowers, dozens upon dozens of them. In the end I began re-directing them to the Sunnydale hospital, telling them to be delivered to the patients with no family or friends close by. The staff had thought I was insane at the time but they appreciated my kindness. The patients did too. But the phone calls, emails, letters and gifts never stopped. It didn't matter if I was at the dorm or my house, they still came. I was sick of it, I wasn't taking him back so soon just so he could walk out on me again.

_At least if you were gonna try and give advice  
About my life  
Have your own shit right_

Buffy had just shrugged when I'd told my that he'd gone. I could see I told you so..' forming on the Slayer's lips. She didn't even care. She's only had one boyfriend other than Riley, that was Angel and look how she screwed that up! So she has no right in telling me what's right and what's wrong.

_I don't wanna stop, my body heat  
Knocking me right, off my feat  
Making me so high, I can't deny  
The feeling's takin me over_

So after getting no sympathy I'd turned to my friend from my last break up, beer. I know what happened last time but I really didn't care. I went to a little club I'd heard of a few towns over so I wouldn't run into Buffy and crew. There I danced and drank my sorrows away. It made me feel better, like that song on now. I was happy, carefree and very very drunk.

_So he's tryin to play with my head  
Tellin me how he could blow my mind  
Somethin bout the things that he said  
Made me wanna take it there one time  
I should be walkin away  
Cause his hand's up on my thigh  
Should I leave, Should I stay  
After all it's just one night_

That reminds me of the guy at that club that night. He spent hours dancing with me and buying me drinks. Hell I was that drunk I thought he was doing it just to be nice, but he wasn't. Later he'd tried to convince me to go to his hotel room and well, you know. For a split second I was going to do it too. Payback of some sort I suppose. But I changed my mind, that wasn't me. I remember being dragged, kicking and screaming into an alley. I hit him I think and ran to a cab. Funny thing was he didn't try to follow me. Probably passed out from the amount he'd drank that night.

_Yo this for y'all out there  
That ever dealt with somebody  
Who be lyin, fakin, cheatin, stealin,  
creepin, B.S.-in  
I got this thing called the lie detector_

Wish I'd had a lie detector, it would have saved me a lot of trouble. I could have said, Do you still love her?' and Would you go back to her if she'd let you?' and I would have know right then and there. No, I had to find out the hard way. Lucky me.

_I've been in love, but fell to fast  
I found myself in turbulent skies  
I felt the hurt when I crashed and burned  
Then I found myself with tears in my eyes_

I swear this CD player must know what I've been thinking to myself. It's true, I fell to fast, it fell apart and I cried because of it. Make that cried a lot. You wouldn't believe the amount of tears that you can create when you're upset. I could have filled a swimming pool with them. My eyes have been so bloodshot I look terrible. Haven't been to class all week. It's worse than with Oz.

_Eventually you'll quit waiting for me  
Since I know we both belong in arms  
Crazy love  
I gotta open up before you leave_

I know he'll give up soon. I also know I still love him, more than I still love Oz. If it wasn't her I might have taken him back. The only way this would be resolved is if she was gone forever. It'd do a lot of good for everyone. Not that I always wish bad things upon everyone, just her. I do still love him though...

_They'll be no darkness tonight  
Baby our love will shine (light your love)  
We've had our share of bad times_

He told me that once actually. There's always sunshine when you're around Willow. It comes from your heart. Like I said before when I'm in love, I love completely. He's always said that he can see it radiating from me. He does the same for me though, I can see it in him too. Hiding underneath his I don't bloody care' attitude of course. I don't think anyone else has seen it though. That'd be why Buffy keeps saying he's no good for me. Why Giles doesn't fully approve.

_And you never should have made me cry  
And boy let me tell you why_

He shouldn't have, he knew what I was like after Oz. Hell he was there for most of it. Trying to cheer me up. He was the only one that cared. He was angry that Oz'd upset me, offered to kill him for me even. Now he was the one who'd hurt me... And it hurt so much.

_I just wanna make up  
Cause I love you so much _

Maybe he was right, maybe it was just a spell. I wouldn't put it past that bitch. She was quite capable and crazy enough to do it. I could always do some research to find out if he was telling the truth. I never had a chance to test that truth spell...

_As of now he's in the past  
No more time for being sad  
Momma said to shake em off  
Girl move on and don't you move to fast_

I want to move on but not away. I don't want someone else, I want him. But I don't know if I should. This'd be my head trying to reason with me. Look where my heart has just gotten me now. But I... I don't know. I want him back. I know it, I feel it. Always follow your heart..' Someone said that once. Maybe they're right. Maybe I will. Someone knocked on the door. I stared for a moment, knowing who it was. I could tell by the knock. Come in. I said quietly. He entered slowly and stood there.   
Pet, I came to apologise but now I don't know what to say. He looked at his shoes, something I'd never seen him do before. Words just can't express what's in here. He said softly, pointing to his heart. Now I've ripped out a few hearts in my time but I never knew it hurts this much. He smiled faintly, his eyes still holding the same pained expression. Neither of us knew what to do.  
Was it a spell? I managed to croak out, And how can I be sure? He looked straight into my eyes, his face in all honesty.  
It was. He said quietly, But you can't be sure. I'm the only one that knows about it, considering the bloody bitch's gone back to Mexico. You just have to trust me... 

I was stunned, she was gone? My eyes started to fill with tears again. I wanted to believe him. I had to believe him. I did believe him. My heart told me that he wasn't lying. The next thing I know his arms were around me as I sobbed into his chest. We still had a long way to go but we'd get there.  
Willow, luv are you alright? He said softly, rubbing circles on my back. I nodded and took a deep breath to stop my sobbing. It took me a few minutes but I did it in the end. I looked up into his concerned blue eyes with my teary green.  
I'm alright, now that you're here. Things are back to how they're supposed to be.

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*So... what do you think? Like it? Hate it? Please R&R! Thanks*


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